I was recently happy to discover that five years after its publication, Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating remains entertaining, relevant and fully comparable to the many tomes popping up everyday on the Internet about online dating.

In fact, since the recent release of ePub and mobi versions, eight copies have been sold via the iBookstore and two via Amazon.com.  Nothing yet on Barnes and Noble (hint, hint people…lol).  Best of all,  all versions of Age is Just a Number are available via my new WordPress eStore. Okay…now I’m going to take off my marketing hat and share with you the event that sparked this celebratory moment.

I’ve always considered myself as pretty self-sufficient, someone who rarely needs any ego stroking or outside affirmations.  I kept right on thinking that that’s who I was, until a  recent review by RYCJ smoothed out ruffled feathers, I didn’t realize were ruffled and did wonders for my writer’s block while working on Volume II.

I didn’t realize it but some of the comments and subtle dismissals by some of my married church sisters slipped beneath the surface of my dismissal of their dismissal, festered and spread so much so that they colored my reaction to my own creation, unbeknownst to me.

Way beneath the surface was the thought that maybe, the clear purpose that I had at the inception of Age is Just a Number was skewed? Maybe a book about Internet dating from a middle-aged-African-American-Christian-woman had no value?  Maybe the fact that I was also a minister-in-training at the time was a shameful thing and not a helpful tool as I thought?  I mean, what could I have been thinking?  Maybe someone had loosened my sanctity hat when I wasn’t looking?

As a result of this implanted doubt, I stopped mentioning to anyone at church or otherwise that I am an author, with a published book.  I stopped walking around with a large purse filled with a minimum of five copies of my book.  As bookmarks dwindled, no attempt was made to reprint more.  In fact it was a good thing that in my move to Pennsylvania, I had cut off my locs, gained several pounds, nixed wearing make up, used a pen name and now looked nothing like the picture in the back of the book!  Whew…great save!

Or was it?

After some self-examination and time spent with God, I realized that had I not harbored that doubt myself beneath the surface, their dismissals would not have affected me to such an extent.  I had attached a bit of my pride and self-worth to God’s gifting which flowed through the manuscript.  Had I attributed the full glory to God, I would have been shielded from the fallout.  You see, God’s gifts are given to all of us, to reach and help His people.  He also has made it plain that those same gifts are to be used to create miracles so that those who don’t know about Him will marvel and wonder and come to know that there is more to life than the eye can physically see.  His gifts are non-returnable, however, they are meant to be used for His glory and not ours.

Lessons learned?

1. God deserves all the credit, I’m just the vessel He chose to use.
2. Know your target market. Their dismissal was not personal, they were married women who read a book geared toward single women.
3. I need to stay focused–on the assignment and on the One who gave me the assignment.

In Volume II I will have to update some links, add reviews of sites like Match.com, eHarmony and include cross reference information, like the fact that Yahoo Personals is now a part of Match.com. I’m not sure if I will personally review more dating sites other than the ones I’ve tried since there are now sites available that do reviews like Consumer-Rankings.com, Dating Site Reviews and Top 10 Best Dating Sites.  After all, aside from comparing the prices and benefits offered, one’s opinion of the best online dating sites, is a subjective thing, dependent upon our individual experience.

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